Monday, 19 October 2009

Have a teaser

A survival story.

It was 4:58pm when the first reports that the virus had hit British shores. Origionally, the Mezcatone Virus was developed by Iranian scientists in the vaugue aim of keeping the mortally wounded and near dead alive, without pain. They succeeded in this aim, but one of the side affects was a complete loss of any sophisiticated brain functions. They could walk, they could feed and they could reproduce. Reproduction, one of natures most basic instincts; to protect your species and continue it by any means possible. The Mezcat’s, a phrase coined by the media shortly after the outbreak, bred by “infecting” non-Mezcats through any form of fluid exchange. On December 12th 2009, one human Mezcat managed to infect one of the scientists in the Iranian laboratory. This Mezcat, known to it’s handlers as “Subject One” was the first successful human test subject. After this primary infection, it quickly spread throughout the entire complex, reaching the first major city, Isfahan, by December 15th. By Christmas day, it had reached France. The world was in panic, every single border was shut down, flights were grounded, harbours closed down. It was looking like the Mezcatone Virus had been contained, the entirity of continental Europe was lost and it carried all the way across the mainland to China. Throughout Africa it was quickly spreading, there were reports of it reaching South America. But it looked like Britain was safe, until Febuary 2nd 2010, even after the extreme military checkpoints, curfews and medical checks, Mezcatone touched down in Dover. The scores of refugees still trying to escape the virus, through Britain to America, were contained in Dover, pre-screened they would be locked in pens, like cattle. It was here where the virus erupted. It just took one missed diagnosis, and an entire warehouse full of 30,000 people became infected, broke down the doors and overwhelmed the guards. Even with all the military precautions, only roughly 16,000 were killed. They may have been slow moving, but these sheer numbers were quickly able to overwhelm.

So right now, I am sat in my room, it is 7:36pm on Febuary 2nd 2010, my 19th birthday. I am writing this because I want to document my survival now that the Mezcats are here in the UK. Somehow, there is a sick pleasure in watching the sheer panic on the newsreaders face as he explains to the nation that well, we’re fucked. But it’s okay, i’ve planned for this. For months, we have gathered, we have planned and we have fortified. My co-survivors consist of me, David, Rob, Chloe and Jasper. No families, they followed the governments advice to flee to America, supposedly their huge military might will keep us all safe. I didn’t want to leave, that many people, all in once place? That has disaster written all over it. So it is us 5, based in what we lovingly refer to as “the hole”, our home, you could say. As around 70% of the population has fled, finding a decent place to set up shop was not difficult, so after a few days of scouting around we found a nice place, on the edge of my town, Bicester. It’s not huge, but it’s got a lovely big fence all the way around it. We have spent weeks fortifying this place, barbed wire, trenches and security cameras. Got enough provisions to last 6 months, solar panels, and some nice big hefty cars in case we do need to step out of the relative safety of the hole. Now this being Britain we are very limited on how we are able to defend ourselves, but luckily, there are enough hunting shops with enough rifles and shotguns to keep us pretty safe. So that is our set-up. Not to bad is it?

Day two. Febuary 3rd 2010. 10:45am

The phone and tv lines are still up and running, we have gathered enough intelligence to know that there are so far around 10 million infected. Overnight. In a country where there are less than 20 million people left, that’s pretty impressive. But it is mainly because the people who are (that’s probably a were now) still here were around Dover and the huge camps around the London Airports trying to get on a plane to the states. There have been sightings of Mezcats in Ayelesbury, that’s only 20 miles away. It is only a matter of time till we come face to face with them. One thing about Mezcats is that they follow the roads, they don’t go across fields unless they hear, see or smell something. See, they are still mainly human, they don’t have an amazing sense of smell or hearing. Well, that’s what we’ve been told anyway.


Rob and David have just returned from scouting the roads up towards aylesbury. They saw them, David estimated around 1,000 of them, heading down the road that goes straight past the hole. If the Mezcats spotted the car, then they see it parked outside.. I don’t know if they can make the connection, but we all decided it is best to be safe and dumped the car in the middle of town. It is now that we just buckle down, shut up and hope they pass straight past us.


I can hear them coming down the road, their numbers have skyrocketed, there must be at least 5,000 of them.


They are outside.

Day three. Febuary 4th 2010. 4:12am

I can hear screaming coming from town, it’s only 3 or 4 miles away. One thing we’ve noticed about Mezcats behaviour is that they don’t all follow the crowd. Maybe it is that they recognize something or they just give up walking, but they just stand there, staring at something for hours and hours. Jasper is on guard duty, i’m going to sleep.


I was awoken by gunfire at 9:00am, there was a Mezcat clawing at our outer fence. The gunfire brought out 5 more from the surrounding area, but we quickly took care of them. Well I guess we can now safely assume that they are attracted to a noise coming from around them, makes sense. Now we’ve got to prepare for the long haul. We weren’t able to gather all we needed before the Mezcats reached our doorsteps, we are incredibly low on fuel and of all things, toilet paper.


We have all come to the conclusion that it is best to gather the rest of what we need now, before it gets worse. What we know if that the first wave of Mezcats seem to be ones who the reproduction instinct is the highest, just spreading, infecting everyone they can and moving on. Those are the ones moving fastest, spreading across the nation. Then there are the slower ones, the hungry ones. Mezcats seem to have just an unending hunger and of course, it has to be that the favourite meal of your everyday Mezcat is human flesh, typical. These are the ones going into every building, searching for uninfected to gorge themselves on. Just think about it, there are 30 million people left in the UK, the weak, the slow and the unorganized become Mezcats. The smart, the fast, the organized but unlucky, well.. They become dinner. So it looks like, if we don’t play our cards right, we’re going to make a nice 5 person banquet. Me and Jasper will head off at 2:30pm, hopefully returning with a few jerry cans of fuel and some bumper packs of bog roll.


That didn’t go as planned.

We left the hole fine, we drove up the road towards town, spotting the odd Mezcat in the verge. Nothing out of the ordinary. We stopped at the closest petrol station to the hole, every tank empty. I guess we should have seen that coming, so we headed up the Esso, to Tesco, to Jet. Every single one empty. By now we’d fired off quite a few rounds at the oncoming Mezcats. We’d managed to get plenty of toilet roll. But no damn fuel. The most important thing! We decided that we’d have to do it the slow way and cyper it from parked cars. This took a hell of a long time and by 4 we’d got just about enough to last us for the next month. And then Jasper said something i did not want to hear. “Jake, they’re fucking coming..” I looked up in the direction he was looking and coming down the road, about 300 yards away was well.. Fucking loads of them. And in a move which was not very smart on our behalf, that direction happened to be the only way out of the corner we’d so eagerly trapped outselves in. I jumped in the pickup and started the engine. Jasper was hurridly throwing the last few jerry cans in the back of the pickup. We only had one choice, and luckily we’d thought ahead. We had to plough through them, which was a prospect which excited me greatly, i mean i spent hours trying to attatch the snow plow to the front of the truck.

Zombie Attack: MY PREP

Okay, this is getting serious. I have literally no contingency plan in case of a freaking Zombie attack.

For my first situation, the zombies will be slow moving and unorganized. Think, Shawn of the Dead type zombies. Cos.. well.. That one's the most fun.

This will also be written in a story type style, just because again. It is alot more fun (:

You never know, this might end up being my NaNoWriMo.

So look forward to the first of my Zombie survival stories in the coming days xD

Sunday, 11 October 2009


- Get the Door. It's Emma! says:
In reply to your blog: Hi Jake!



Saturday, 10 October 2009


I think i have a viewer now.

If i do, and her name is Emma. Hi Emma (:

If she lied to me, then.. YOU SUCK! YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO READ THIS, SO I CAN SAY MEAN THIIIIIINGSSSSS! But.. There aren't any :P


Thursday, 8 October 2009


Last last post i wrote how i has plan.

That plan sucked, i have a new one.


Immasave. Immauni. Immaintelligence!


Well that experiment failed, like uber. It's probably my total lack of charisma that did it..

AAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh well, moving on


Less than a month till NaNoWriMo, yay!

Expect drafts and excerpts to be posted here, even though no one will ever seeeeeeeeeee it!


Sunday, 6 September 2009

Holy shit blog fail!

Ahhh well, keep calm and carry on.

Anyways, it looks like for the first time in my life i've got a frikken plan going on!

Let me run it down for ya;

BUT, carry on working at le Bookshop, as much as i can.

THEN, move down to Malmesbury, until i has enough money get my own frikken place with the D.



The End.

Tuesday, 18 August 2009

I've learnt

A lot of things over the past few months, but it's easy to see how someone can make a few mistakes along the line, at the time there are very few people who think about the ramifications of their actions a long way down the line. There are even fewer people who think about who would be affected by these actions. There are even less people who are able to do this after they have inhaled a few liters of alcoholic substances.

As mistakes go, i've made some big ones, but to regret them would mean that some of the amazing things that happened to me would never have happened.

Everything does not happen for a reason, but everything that does happen influences every tiny decision made thereafter.

Sunday, 16 August 2009

In febuary i wrote..

1: Somedays i am outstandingly self confident, others i am pretty much zero
2: The direction i want to take in life changes constantly, currently, apart from wanting to be a program designer i also wouldn't mind being a movie director.. or michael aranda <__<
3: Sometimes i wish something exciting would happen so much that i consider setting something big on fire..
i should probably be locked away or something
4: Life is mundane, and that fucking sucks.
5: I get drunk off life 2 bottles of Magners. Cheap date? Yeserydoo.
6: I am often very quick to critisize if someone just ignores a problem instead of fixing it, more often than not i say that whilst running away from a problem of my own.
7: Hipocrisy is just a way of life, therefore i contradict myself a pheonominal amount of time.
8: It makes me unreasonably angry when people don't type/spell/grammatise properly.. I mean is it so hard to write "Yeah i'm fine thanks, how are you?" over "fine thx u"
9: The phrase "Gt $ fstr ;)" has been in my head all week..
10: I really wish i could be a vlogger (google vlogramen or vlogbrothers if you don't know what i mean) but i have no where near the conversational or entertainment skills to do it.
11: I often fantasize about being on stage, but it won't ever happen as i'm absolutley shit scared of anything like that.
12: I have a visade of self confidence which i display to my friends, but to anyone that doesn't know me i'm incredibly quiet.
13: Alcohol makes me alot more confident with people i don't know, but also gives me the paranoid fear that i'm pissing every single person in the room off..
14: I love helping people with their problems, i just wish i was good at it..
15: I'm going through tough times right now, but as much as i dispise whining i'm finding myself doing it more and more.
16: I genuinely thought that it was 15, not 25.. so i now have 9 more to go!
17: I love spending time at my mums house, i just wish she would get a bloody shower!
18: I NEVER make my bed until the second before i get in it. Which i'm reasonably sure is wierd
19: I can sleep through pretty much everything except my phone getting a text.
20: In the past few days i'm reasonably sure i've had no more than 4 or 5 hours sleep; which has made me a tad cranky.
21: I absolutely HATE Beth Tomkinson. She is the most senile, clueless, useless pathetic excuse for a tutor. She makes Roy look like he has people skills.. Honest to god, today instead of asking me "Jake, can you get off your laptop and do some work" she came up to me and went "ooh, i'll just be taking this if you're not going to concentrate".. I mean back the FUCK off.. THEN proceeded to MOVE ME to the other end of the classroom even though i was doing more work than pretty much everybody else (well, i was copying sanjeev nonetheless) AND even though she spent 50% of last lesson with us SEEING HERSELF how much we struggled with our coursework she didn't even TRY to show us how to do any of it this lesson, when it's our LAST FUCKING LESSON BEFORE THE DEADLINE!
22: Now that i'm angry i'm going to watch to cheer me up.
23: Now that i'm listening to ( i can't concentrate at ALL on these questions LOL
24: I really love it when people text me in the middle of the night if they have a problem, but i've never felt confident in doing it to anyone if i do.
25: I am aboslutely fucking useless at keeping nice things.. My phone = broken, My Ipod = Broken, My Watch = Broken.. Give it time and i'll break my laptop as well..!

That was 6 months ago, oh how times have changed.

1: Okay, number one is still pretty much the same, but it's getting better. I feel alot more confident around people i don't know, i know why though.
2: Direction? Fuck direction, i'm packing up shop and moving my ass out of here. Life is what you make of it and right now i'm making either the biggest mistake or the smartest move.
3: Excitement is still lacking, but i've now learnt that you make it yourself.
4: Mundanity is fail, overcome it i shall.
5: Off the cider, onto beer. Chugging 5 pints and i'm merry. 7+, i'm dead.
6: I just love hiding from problems.
7: Hipocrite? I'm working on it.
10: Vlog? Fucking vlogging, BLOG THAT BITCH
11: Self confidence is growing
12: Likewise
13: BOOZE IT UP, turn into an idiot, yet somehow i'm still charming xD
14: I'm sick of helping people with their problems, i have literally no moral compass, i don't fucking know! xD
15: Tough times? Stupid prick. SUCK IT UP
16: Oh what an idiot i was 6 months ago
18: Still the same, i love bed.
19: I've started to even sleep through texts now.. Thank FUCK for loud alarms
20: Lack of sleep still prominant. Fuck yeah!
21: Oh Beth, you did try. You never gave up, i respect that.
22: Still love michael aranda!
25: Still break everything. Laptops okay though (:

So yeah, from that experiment i've found out i've turned into a bit of a prick

Ah well, merry reading imaginary readers!



Yeah, alright, you can get to me, but seriously, fuck off!

Also, the award for most punctuation ever used by a person should totally go to me

SOZ FOR FAILING, work sux!

Thursday, 13 August 2009







Wednesday, 12 August 2009

Eesh, missed a day!

I'm sorry non-existant readers!

I was busy yesterday, and when i returned home i was far too drunk to write coherantly.

See i went to the pub then to the cinema with one of my best friends, had an epic day!

But a word of advice, Brüno is not a film to see sober.

Anyway, goings on in my life currently, not much really.
Going to see Bill Bailey on Thursday with the ex, seeing a friend on Friday before he goes to see Bill Bailey, not really got any more money to do anything else!

Finished reading the 3 books of the Inheritance Cycle, again. Roll on number 4. My predictions for the books, the vault of souls will be full of Heart of Hearts, which Eragon will find after Saphira is severely injured but not killed after a fight with Galbatorix. The final battle Murtagh will break free of his oath and Eragon and his half brother will fight and destory Galbatorix. The final dragon egg will hatch for either Roran or Ayra. Ayra and Eragon will get married, Saphira and the final egg will have little dragon babies and Lady Nasuda, Queen Islandzi, King Orik and Nar Garzhvog will all share the title of the Leader of Alagaësia. Bish bash bosh, that's book for wrapped up in 20 minutes, now why has it taken Paolini so long!

Monday, 10 August 2009

There is no mathematics to love and loss

There is algebra in gasoline.
Burning pictures, pages and photographs.
Fire can make a conscience clean.
(Strike the match, we'll see)
Rolls the window down, calls his name and pulls away.
Rethinks every word he's said in disarray.
Watched their house burn and in turn.
(What made it home, drive away)

A day in the life

I woke up today at 11:20am,

This was due to the fact that the last time i looked at a clock before i fell asleep was at 6am.

I woke up, rolled over and pulled my windows shut, as the wind had been buffeting my blinds against the frame.

After lying there for 10 or so minute, i decided to get up, so i did. I went to the bathroom, came back, got into bed and pulled out my laptop.

After surfing the web for a while, i pulled out my book, and read that till 2 in the afternoon, after which i got out of bed, got in the shower then went downstairs and made myself a burger, which i promptly ate whilst watching an old episode of Mythbusters.

As of now i am sat on my chair, looking at the computer screen writing this post.

After which i plan to call up a friend, as him if he wants to meet up later this week, get ready to go out then head to my mothers house.

I'll spend the evening there as she is readying to go on holiday.

A day in the life of a less-than-typical teenager.

Sunday, 9 August 2009


"She" is everywhere, the sooner i get out of this shithole, the better.

Side note

Rob is gay.


Today, i'm finding it difficult to think of something to talk about..

Not really sure why, loss of inspiration.

Considering that i've posted like.. 2 or 3 posts a day most of the time, i think that should be allowed.

So.. Ha :)

Saturday, 8 August 2009

Not sure of anything to talk about today!

As it's a saturday, i was at work, doing the usual.. Nothing interesting happened there..

Seriously struggling to talk about something, not a fan of saturday nights really, it's just so dull, nothing to do!

Seeing a friend tomorrow, for the last time for a few weeks, which is a shame. But hey, he's moving away and i bloody wish i was too. There is nothing left in this town for me, i've lost all the friends i used to care for, the only people i have left don't live here. Except my family.

I'm just so drawn as to what i want to do, i COULD move away, but that would be further from the people who i really care about..

This decision is one that shall not be rushed.

Friday, 7 August 2009

Friday nights eh?

Just can't shake the feeling. Can't hide the thoughts and memories.

At the end of the day, everything links back to her, the one and only. But i guess it is never to be, again.

It was fun, i wish we were back how we used to be, but i know it's not going to happen.

There is no upside, really.. It's just one long streak of devestation. If i move on before she does, she will be hurt, if she moves on before me, i will be heartbroken. If either of us moves on and tries to hide it, it's harder when the truth comes out, if both of us stay alone we are both miserable.

At the end of the day, there is no happy ending, but let us just hope that friendship will not be lost. I've made that mistake once, i do not want it to happen again.

My heart will belong to you forever, my first love.


If anyone has read the Inheritance.. trilogy + 1, did you ever think that Paolini killed off Brom far too quickly? I mean, yeah i get his death was supposed to be tragic and that he could never achieve completing Eragons training and all, but it'd of been nice to have at least one decent fight with Eragon and Brom fighting the Urgals, but it was just, fight, smash, dead, Murtagh..

Ah well..

Atra estermí ono thelduin

So i guess..

Yeah, I'm a "nerd".

I can say that i feel more at home inside, in front of a computer.

I read books, i love sci-fi and i think James May is the best Top Gear presenter.

There are certain social situations i find awkward and i've now reached the point that if i have a problem with someone i will go completely out of my way to avoid them so i don't have to have one of those horrible bitchy conversations with them.

I've lost a lot of friends this way and i'm sure i should feel a great loss towards this.. but oddly, i don't. This may be because they have now gone down a road which i would have never been comfortable with, and our friendship would have deteriorated anyway, or it may just be because they are living lives which i don't want to be part of.

See, this is where i would drift into the idea of "growing up", which in itself is a highly over-rated procedure, but no. See, i don't want to say that they've not grown up, but a group of people who 18+ still hang out in their houses with a group of friends drinking crappy beer/cider, same friends, same drinks, same nights.. over and over. Switching between girlfriends and having drama infested nights which they bind themselves into thinking were good experiences.

I don't want that anymore! It has affected me so much i'm happy if a night has been dull, but without drama i count it as a win!


And yet throughout all of this they are still stuck with the idea that without them i am lost, bored and alone.

Why, it is the complete opposite.

Thursday, 6 August 2009


What i meant by my little rant there, that this blog shall be a project.

I will update it every day, with goings on in my life, all more than 100 words, and no more than 1000 words.

If this ever gets any readers that actually read through any of this then.. they can challenge me to do anything they deem appropriate.

Anyway, as i've already posted one blog today, this one can be less than 100 words :)

Where to start?

I've done a few of these before, a few years ago, back when my mind was ignorant and confused.

So lets start with the basics. I'm male, between 18-24, live in the UK and have no aspirations.

The reason for my lack of aspiration is unknown, maybe it's because there is nothing that interests me, maybe it's because i cannot see the point in conforming into some dull profession achieving nothing that has never been achieved before. What is the point of living life if all you are going to do is the same as countless people across the world.

All i want is something, something different, something that no one has done before, something that changes the way people look at life, even if it only affects a handful of people. THAT is my aspiration, but as someone who has little skill, money or common sense, that is going to be hard to achieve.

People. That is my problem. There are little people left who do not conform to the ideals that their peers press to them, there are so many cultures all forced into one singular ideal, the "youth" - nothing to strive for except maybe a part time job in a garage for the rest of their lives, popping out kids every other year since puberty and endless violence and binge drinking. University culture of thinking that you are the most important, endless floating your ignorant ideas at the top of your voice, thinking "i went to oxford you know, daddy paid for it!". And then, the endless line of middle-aged suits mindlessly trudging down the miserable streets, sitting on the trains reading the same newspapers, driving their black faceless cars down the motorways all towards a job in which they are the tools for the rich upper class to fuel their hedge funds and pay for their daughters new pony and their 11 year old sons quad bike. Middle class families bicker over pomegranates and their sterile show-room homes, watching the 6 o'clock news and arguing that Cameron would be a better leader than Brown.